just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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