I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
