I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
