Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
her vagine was all disorganized.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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