My room smells like vodka and shame
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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