Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
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And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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