see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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