my mouth tastes like poor choices
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
nutella sex= disaster
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
