Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
