omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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