So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
