I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
