She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
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If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I touched a dick in church today