Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
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Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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