Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom

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(586): Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom http://tfl.nu/p7m9

Replies (4) Good night (1466) Bad night (510)
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(212): View more from New York

??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.

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(212): ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years. http://tfl.nu/7axl

Replies (36) Good night (1917) Bad night (969)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.

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(847): I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning. http://tfl.nu/5xxn

Replies (20) Good night (3625) Bad night (1173)
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(256): View more from Alabama

A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

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(256): A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality http://tfl.nu/65cw

Replies (44) Good night (7555) Bad night (977)
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(631): View more from New York

i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world

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(631): i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world http://tfl.nu/qaz3

Replies (30) Good night (6831) Bad night (1203)
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(772): View more from Florida

The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.

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(772): The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle. http://tfl.nu/irdh

Replies (12) Good night (3996) Bad night (1447)
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(480): View more from Arizona

He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again

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(480): He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again http://tfl.nu/s0mc

Replies (9) Good night (3939) Bad night (888)
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(626): View more from California

There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.

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(626): There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you. http://tfl.nu/ru1c

Replies (4) Good night (3232) Bad night (774)
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(+43): View more from

She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.

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(+43): She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in. http://tfl.nu/w2z8

Replies (3) Good night (803) Bad night (2339)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.

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(918): Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking. http://tfl.nu/gpcu

Replies (5) Good night (2400) Bad night (770)
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(408): View more from California

Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.

(831): View more from California

You did a keg stand on the toilet?!

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(408): Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying. (831): You did a keg stand on the toilet?! http://tfl.nu/1e43

Replies (6) Good night (758) Bad night (1333)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.

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(970): I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh. http://tfl.nu/93er

Replies (9) Good night (1727) Bad night (718)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

You are my mentor.

(276): View more from Virginia

I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.

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(865): You are my mentor. (276): I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement. http://tfl.nu/qxu9

Replies (4) Good night (1242) Bad night (373)
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(623): View more from Arizona

At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.

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(623): At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside. http://tfl.nu/tt6u

Replies (7) Good night (844) Bad night (394)
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(602): View more from Arizona

We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?

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(602): We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition? http://tfl.nu/5rjg

Replies (5) Good night (666) Bad night (213)

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