the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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