She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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