can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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