32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
