I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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