Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
