dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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