Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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