I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
