Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
