remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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