how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
