Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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