tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
