i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize