I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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