i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
