i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize