I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
