I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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