I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
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It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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