I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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