also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
me + whiskey = a bad person
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
