Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She bit a glass in half.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize