Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Randomize
