Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
