Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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