it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
