listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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