I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
