This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
