We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
