cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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