Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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