The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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