I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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