how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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