if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Drunk walkin through police station. America
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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