I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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