So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
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We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
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they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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