Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
