people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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