Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
