dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
