going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
