Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
