Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
