i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just found puke in my bra..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
