is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
