My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize