wrigley field is MILF paradise
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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