I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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