Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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