This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
