hotel room ftw
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
