I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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