What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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