So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize