she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
either way he was missing a nipple.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
