my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
